I Run.

 In life, running away is not a valid option. Sure, one can say, "this is too difficult" and choose to not do what's ahead or choose to regret steps taken and back out, but that's called giving up and when you give up, you say you're not good enough. Who's to say what you can accomplish, but you yourself? I choose the option of never turning back, never giving up. So, running away is not a valid option. I strongly believe that when you choose to run, the only place to run is forward. We can't take back time, thus we truly cannot undo anything that has been done and why would you want to? Life is a journey. Set a goal and never put less than 100% into achieving it because why should you be worth less than that? If it's important enough , make it happen.

Personally, and this time not metaphorically speaking, I've never been a good runner. I was that girl in high school that hid from running a mile or that kid out of breath when playing tag. As an adult, for a long time I said that running wasn't for me and then I got to the point where I just needed a way to blow some steam and whether it was from frustrating events in my life at the time or whatever it may have been, all of a sudden I was able to run. Of course things got in the way a few months later. Then I managed to hurt my ankle and couldn't run for two months, but now I am back. I am back as a super slow runner who walks more than runs, but I am back because I am overwhelmed with what's in my head. I am back because I am trying to find a balance between being a mom, a wife and a teacher. I am back because I have new goals and I haven't figured out how to accomplish them. I am back because I can only run forward. I cannot run away.

So here I was today, attempting to run in my neighborhood at 4pm after being up since 6am, having already had a busy day and my day even now is nowhere near over. I have a paper I need to finish tonight for my AG online class. I have a million ideas for teaching area and perimeter to my 4th graders that I need to put in writing this weekend. I need to find time to truly focus on the fractions Number Talks book because it's awesome and I can't wait to take teaching Number Talks to a new level with introducing this book to my class. I need to figure out what I am doing for tutoring next week. I can't seem to figure out how to help a student who told me at least 7 times this week how nervous he is for the EBOB competition in two weeks.  I can't figure out how to help another student stop second guessing himself every time he answers a multiple-choice question. On my PDP plan, I put that my goal is for 70% of my students to pass the EOG in math and 60% to pass it in ELA which doesn't sound crazy at all. In fact, that's a very realistic number, except for I am not sure that's going to happen and now I am at a point where I have 3 months left until the ultimate reality check , the EOG and , I am second guessing. I am not second guessing my students by any means. I am second guessing if I am doing enough. Did I teach the way they needed to be taught? Did I do everything I could? Am I doing everything I can? A lot of thoughts, a lot of questions and somehow in the middle of it all , I finally figured out what I want to write a book about, but of course knowing me , it's not an easy topic. Nowhere near and now I have to figure out how to make it happen because if I can , I'm going to be able to put my two biggest passions together, teaching and writing and I can't wait.

Did I mention all of this is going through my head while being a wife and a mom of 4? Here I am trying to cook dinner, fold laundry, spend time with my kids and be the best  mom I can be while being the best teacher I can be. So this is why I am running again. I am running forward. I am running to clear my head. I am running to create clarity , find a way to organize my thoughts and prioritize. I am running to find peace in my inner self. I am running because talking isn't working. I am running because that's my answer-run forward and find a way to accomplish my goals because I know that I can and that if the girl who used to hide from P.E. can run, the same woman can make the rest of her goals reality.

I run because running away isn't an option. I run because I have a purpose. I run because my goals and dreams are too big to stop running toward them.

Why do you do what you do? What helps you stay focused?